Irritable Scowl Syndrome

She knows what's up.

Irritable scowl syndrome is not to be confused with IBS. I had my gallbladder out years ago, so there are no problems there. TMI?? My bad.

I wouldn't call myself a particularly irritable person but there are certain things that bug me to NO END. After a run-in today that made me want to jump out of The Lexus (it's really a Kia, but that's another story) and lay down in traffic, I feel the need to vent. My. Biggest. Pet. Annoyance. Is...

People that are CLUELESS at 4-way stops.

What's the problem here, people!?! If you stop first, you proceed first. If you stop second, you're second. AND SO ON AND SO ON. People that have no idea what to do in this situation should drive immediately to the DMV, drop of their license and pick up a bus pass. Or call me. I'll pick you up. I'd rather drive 30 minutes out of my way to drive you around than sit at a stop sign cursing at you while you probably think I'm just singing along to the radio.

Other annoyances. In no particular order.

Mosquitos. Seriously. Why? What's the point? My dad is outdoors from 4:30 a.m. until about 5 p.m. every day. Cutting grass, planting seeds, pulling vegetables, taming horses, making crop circles, I don't know, but he's out there all day and never gets a single bite. The second I step outdoors, these tiny mosquitos get out of their tiny hammocks, put down their tiny newspapers, and finish their tiny cappuccinos to perform a synchronized biting dance all over my body.

People who don't say "thank you" when you hold the door open for them. Who am I, your boyfriend?? Should I walk you to your car and open its doors, too? I'm not supposed to hold the door for you. I'm being nice. Say "thank you" before I drop my half-eaten pecan chocolate chip cookie on the ground, pull my pants up to my navel, pry JCPenney's door of its hinges and smash it over your head. Sucka.

People that smack their gum/food/drinks. I KNOW it tastes good. But seriously. Stop.

Teenagers. Spent any time with a teenager lately!?! Ho-lee smokes. Was I like that as a teen?? Of course not because my dad would have reached through my esophageal cavity and pulled out my beating heart, Mortal Kombat style. Do me a favor: go to the mall, sit next to a bunch of teenagers, and try not to cry a river for your children's futures.

I'm gonna spend the next couple of minutes trying to iron out the wrinkles in my furrowed eyebrows. Feel free to discuss and post your own annoyances. Unless one of them is me.

anw