Is there a Hilton in Montevallo?

Because if there is, I'm there! I'm so happy to hear that Paris Hilton cannot tell the difference between cocaine and gum. I'm in DESPERATE need of a staycation and I've got tons of these old Showbiz coins that I'd love to unload as payment for the Presidential Suite. They ARE gold(en). Just need to figure out the exchange rate... hmmm...