Can't Have Nuthin' Nice

A few months back, my good friend Emily held a...(ahem) "designer" purse party. You know, the kind of bags with a tag that reads "Louis Vuitton" but the inside says "Louis Armstrong." Though these purses are endlessly cheaper (and most of the time, just as cute) as the real deal, I'm more of a Target clearance isle kinda-girl. But I went, mainly for the cheese, wine, and conversation. I never meant to fall in love.

But there she was...



I tried to play it cool but I spotted a couple of older ladies making their way towards the bag. I made a bee-line across the room and scooped it up before the Women of the Night finished examining their knockoff Prada. Suckas! Without even knowing the price, I held onto that purse with a kung-fu grip. After inquiring about the price (gulp), I retired to the corner of the room to do some quick calculating in my head, careful not to release my grip as the vultures circled:

I can call and make arrangements to pay my phone bill next month.. okay... Oh! And I can take a sandwich for lunch next week... and if I can make it to work on a half-tank of gas....

SOLD!

Annnnnnd this one:


As I left the party with my two new lady friends (and after a quick purchase from Sonic's Dollar Menu), I drove home and imagined the fabulous items I would carry my new bag. I'd need a new matching wallet. And of course, a new makeup bag. No pens. NO. PENS. I drifted off to sleep and dreamed of the places me and my new darling girlfriend would go.

The next morning, my niece and nephew arrived. We played on the swing set, we watched Shrek the Third, we played games on the PlayStation... the usual. As my nephew and I finished up our game of checkers, my niece appeared, lugging what seemed to be a shiny new suitcase behind her. "See my new bookbag, Poo Poo," she asked me. Her "new bookbag" was my "new lady friend knockoff Valentino handbag!"

As I firmly (but with love, I assure you) SNATCHED the purse from her, I realized that she had dumped out my items and replaced them with a few of her own essentials:
.

Can't have nuthin'.
anw